Saturday, 24th October
His usual 11.11pm text message failed to arrive last night. I didn't receive a 'Sorry was running from police, missed 11.11, I love you Keeley.' No, None of that, Just silence. As I lay in my bed, waiting for my escape the fate message tone to start playing, I realised that this silence was excruciatingly painful to encounter. At the time, I didn't fully understand why this had happened. Purposely missed? "..As long as I have your lighter, I will be able to find you again" As I stand in the middle of a fully pact dance studio, I look down at the message displayed on my phone. I read it 3 times, oblivious to what it actually showed. Without hesitation I run out of the room, Outside, I fall to my knee's. Reading over the text message another 3 times. Still unable to come to terms to what I'm reading. My usual bright eyes, swell up with water, ready to escape the now pain filled and confused stricken eyes. I look up from the phone, Pulling back from everything i want to scream out. Restraining myself from throwing the phone as far as I can. Wanting to rage at everything and everyone, my head drops. The tears fall to the ground, leaving marks on the concrete as if it were raining. I want to scream and let the loud sobs out. I wipe my face, take a deep breath. The lump in my throat and the pain in my chest are forcing the tears back to the surface. I remain outside for as long as possible. Until I had to reenter the room. The young girls rush to my side, Asking various questions about the fear and truthful sadness on my face. Then, putting in action my old acting skills. I place a smile on my face, and laugh as if nothing was ripping me apart. I finally understan with what he had sent.. He's leaving, and then coming back for me? It's two years until i am 16. Two years in which he will no long love me, No longer feel the same towards me. Was I that boring? Was I that bad of a lover? Didn't i give him what he wanted? I hate how these question's are filling my head. The 'Why me?' Questions. The questions no one will ever answer truthfully. But I've got to ask them to myself. I was obviously too young. We both new that from the start, Even though i thought we were going to work past that. Truly love each other for who I was, Not the year i was born in. I understand where he is coming from. Where this has emerged from. I'm just scared that someone better will come into his life, There is no doubt that that will happen, I will not be able to stop him from doing so. I love him so much, Since the very beginning. I wont stop loving him, those two years until i am old enough, are going to be the hardest. With hope, this will work as he says it will. That our love will last a lifetime. I truly mean it when I tell him its forever. I have faith in that. Forever is just on hold.